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The Path Less Traveled

With CK Lin, John Wayne, and Andrew Suba

Published on: Dec 26, 2018

One thing is clear with the Asian Women of Power Podcast, that it is about giving voice to the experiences of Asian women as they overcome the adversities specific to them as they thrive in America. Taking a turn by moving the light towards the Asian-American men, we get to hear from their own perspectives about their own struggles. Do they feel the same way? Do they have more pressure to meet certain expectations from the Asian culture as well as the American culture? How well are they adapting in America? How is life for them here in general? We have three guests to tell their own stories – business consultant, CK Lin, and life and business coaches, Andrew Suba and John Wayne. They give insights as they share their own journey, providing inspiration on their pivots in life – from finding a separate identity from what they were expected to be, to paving their own successful paths.

The Path Less Traveled with CK Lin, John Wayne, and Andrew Suba

We have a very special episode for you. If you have read the stories from the blog, you know that we, the Asian-American women, have to change and adapt in order to thrive in America. What about the Asian-American men? Do they feel the same way? Do they have more pressure to meet certain expectations from the Asian culture as well as the American culture? How well are they adapting in America? Is life harder for men than women here? You will hear from the three Asian-American men with different backgrounds. They will share the lessons they have learned until now and they will give some insights from their life’s journey. Help me welcome these brave men to our conversation. 

Kimchi: Please introduce yourself, your name, ethnicity, generation, marital status, current occupation and your age. Let’s start with CK.

CK: First of all, Kimchi, thanks for having me here. My name is CK Lin. I am an immigrant, first generation or zero generation, it depends on who you ask. I’m 40 years old and my occupation is a business consultant.

Andrew: My name is Andrew Suba. I am a Filipino-American first generation. I am single and I am a life and business coach.

John: My name is John Wayne. I am married for 20 years. I am 44. I live in Carmel, California. I’m a life and business coach, second generation.

Kimchi: Briefly share with us your journey on how and when you got to America, the type of work or career that you had before you are on a new path?

CK: I came to this country when I was fourteen. Knowing that my life is going to be all about pursuing the life of a scientist or an engineer. I set my goals since I was five and I came to the United States to pursue that American dream. Throughout the process, I reached a certain bottleneck. I was doing my PhD study that I couldn’t overcome. I was seeking elsewhere, outside the realm of science and technology and intellectual understanding. I went into the realm of personal development. What are some of the ancient technologies or current technology in terms of psychology that will allow us to see blind spots that I didn’t know about? From that point on, I got crystalized about what I’m all about, which is empowering myself as well as others to experience the a-ha moment, the epiphany points. I’ve been successful in the scientific grounds. I went into policy, I was representing Nobel Laureates and world-class professors for the University of California. The more I do that, the more I realized entrepreneurship is perhaps my path.

From that moment on, I went into the world of startups. How can I use the internet as a way to expand my impact to others? Throughout that world, I realized that the external pursuit of external success ultimately is a tunnel we don’t chase in the end. After looking at all of my friends and myself having the external success, it wasn’t quite as fulfilling as I would like. From that point on, I went into diving more deeply into the inner world. That’s how I got in to become an executive coach for other founders and I went into the world of spirituality. As you can hear, I traversed quite widely from the external pursuit of success to the inner pursuit of fulfillment. That’s the world that I’m in now. How can I bridge the two? Bridging startup material success into the inner world fulfillment? That’s what I bring as a business consultant to other founders, other world changers.

Kimchi: Thank you.

Andrew: I was born in Paterson, New Jersey so I’m a first generation Filipino-American. My parents came here when they were younger through sponsorships and however way that most Filipinos get here. When I first started off, I was given the imprint from my parents to live out the American dream, which is to have stability, security, insurance, and retirement. That’s all that was necessary for me to take my life to the next level. To move from the Filipino lifestyle that they came from to coming here and starting over and living how you’re meant to live it. On this journey, I decide to rebel because I realized that this is not what I want. They wanted me to become a doctor, an accountant, even a nurse, which a lot of people know with Filipinos tend to go down the route of medical. For me, I wanted to do something completely different. I decided to do so many different other industries. I’ve been in eight different industries. I’ve had over eighteen jobs in the last ten years trying to discover who I am.

Asian-American Men: You are not the only one that’s looking to understand who you really are.

In this process, I finally stumbled into this genre of coaching and personal development. That’s when I realized this is where I am meant to be. In every single job that I’ve been to, it was me looking for myself. When I finally stopped and took a second to look at me, I realized that I’m not the only one that’s looking for themselves. I’d love to get that message across to other individuals especially Filipino-Americans and LGBT youth that it’s okay to be you. That’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m being authentically me and creating a business out of it. I’ve stepped into working with a personal development company and helping them create so much wealth and in so many different facets that it’s like, “What does it look like for me to step into my own business?” I’ve been running my own business. That’s where I’m at with my business coaching and life coaching. I plan to take it to another level where I want to build out personal development music festivals.

John: I pick up where Andrew left off there with a little bit more about me. I’m Vietnamese-American. My father is Caucasian and my mother’s Vietnamese. I’m a product of that war. When the Vietnam War was over, and I was born here after it happened, the expectations or what were given to me were of both generations. The Caucasian side of my family, wanting me to go to college. That was given to me from my mother’s side, it was like, “Be the doctor, the lawyer.” I was like, “Which one do I go into?” There is the Christian side of my father, the Buddhist side of my mother. When these things came together, it was very confusing growing up as to what I am supposed to do. I love how Andrew talked about finding yourself. It’s been an identity thing for me for over twenty years like, “Who am I?” I started off in college as an accountant. I went to engineer. That’s what Asians do because they’re good at math. As I got further into it, none of that worked for me. I want to be creative. I ended up getting a creative writing degree. I wrote poetry. I wrote short stories and I became a writer.

When I graduated from college, I was a writer in the newspaper. I didn’t like it. I tried it off for a couple of weeks and then I shifted into marketing and I became a brand manager for two or three years. After that, I started my own software company, and this is around the mid ‘90s when all the dot-coms were going on. I started a very successful security software company. We ran that for five years, self-funded plus Angels and then I decided I wanted to go to grad school, “Why didn’t I make millions of dollars like all the other dot-coms did?” I put myself through grad school and then decided it’s time for another startup. I got derailed and went into healthcare for a little bit because it was very lucrative. After that, I moved to California and started a social media marketing company. I got approached by Penguin Random House to write a book. I started to tour the world speaking to people about Facebook marketing.

I wrote one of the first Facebook marketing books. I ran that for two years and then another epiphany came to me. I was like, “It’s time to recreate yourself again.” It felt great but there was more to me. That’s when I started my spiritual awakening. I started calling in to friends’ spiritual leaders from psychics to shamans and went down the path of, “Who am I?” I wanted to learn about all of these different modalities, religions, and beliefs. I’m very curious about all of the Asian ones. I’m very drawn to Buddhism but at the same time curious about many others. That led me into coaching because it was a professional modality where we could talk to each other and go into our hearts. Whereas an Asian-American growing up we never talked about that. It was straight forward, “What do you want to be? Go do the work, make some money. Live into this beautiful house with cars, with all the different objects.” It was something that awakened me to say, “What’s in it for me and then what’s in it for others?” and taking on both of those things.

Pulling together what CK was talking about and Andrew’s becoming whole, bringing those things together and feeling like, “I can have the money, I can have the success, but I can also have the spirituality.” I can have it for myself, I can define it for myself and step out of the shadow of my mother or my father where they used to define it for me. I have been on a six months sabbatical and this took six months for myself. After seeing CK at Burning Man, meeting him there, it’s been beautiful to gift that to myself. There’s a lot of shame that came into like, “Why aren’t you working? Why aren’t you making money?” It was such a gift to say, “I’ve gotten to this spot in my life, I’ve been successful but how would I define success next? What does that look like?” It’s been a painful journey.

Kimchi: Going to Burning Man is one of my checklists before I leave this world. I don’t know at what age I would do that. Did you see any Asian women there?

CK: Yeah.

Kimchi: What are the age group?

CK: All kinds. As a way to reframe Burning Man, it’s not a music festival, it’s not an event that you go to. It’s a transformative experience, which I know you love, that you deserve to go at least once in your life. It’s a gift that you can give to yourself at least once in your life.

Kimchi: I don’t have to come up with an art. I thought for some reason you have to create some art to show at Burning Man?

Asian-American Men: We deserve to live our own beliefs independently. That’s how we can continue to grow and bring the world to a higher vibration.

CK: No, not the first year maybe the second year. Here’s a reality, Burning Man you can go as who you are. If you want to create something, if you want to give something to someone else or your community or Burning Man in large, you can. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to.

Kimchi: What specific event or incident that pivoted you to a different path?

CK: After hearing what John said, I wanted to share my hero’s journey. It was unclear in the very beginning when I was younger but there’s a through line. The through line is, “How can I make the most contribution to the world?” I started to unpack the question as well, “How do I share value?” I thought first in my mind therefore I pursue the career of science, and that’s what I did. After seeing that, I realized that I could do it, but it doesn’t give me the satisfaction that I wanted. I went into something a little bit speedier, something more readily made into the world of startups. I went into product management. I realized too that it’s also a tunnel with no cheese because success, wealth, although are great, I realized too pivotal points continue to impact that. What are the social constructs of parenting, society, overall in general? Parents, heritage and society at large continue to unpack that more and more.

“Who am I? What is my contribution? How do I create value in this world? If it’s not external, how do I go internal?” That’s how I go into meditations, spirituality, Ayahuascas and psychedelics. Things like Burning Man is an example. I started going more and more to the trench needing nontraditional method of finding these answers. I wanted to see and create mental models for myself. A short answer would be this, either I experience a bottleneck, “This is only to give me incremental information rather transformative information,” or I went into a breakdown of some sort. Some down point in my life whether it be break up, whether it be career transitioning or whether it be something I couldn’t wrap my head around. That’s when I started to explore other realms. How can I come up with my own mental model that way? 

Andrew: One of the major pivotal points for me was when I started discovering myself as a man and figuring out that I am gay. Going down this path, I have made some mistakes as to who I want to associate myself with because I was just looking for community. I was looking for a way to connect with people who are like me. I couldn’t find it within my own family not because they don’t love me but because they couldn’t understand. That’s something that I’ve learned through time where they only knew how to love me a certain way. I was looking to receive love in a way that they weren’t able to give to me at that time. Now that I’ve grown, I’ve learned to unconditionally love them even if that means being at a distance, even if that means a conversation, text or whatever that may be. Understanding that they have their own beliefs. I have my own beliefs and we deserve to live our own beliefs independently. That’s how we can continue to grow and bring the world to a higher vibration, when we truly can stand in our own power and give love, whether or not it’s in close proximity or if it’s at a distance.

Where that’s coming from is when I didn’t realize that in 2010, I had a partner who did not tell me that he had HIV and I almost contracted it. For six months, I thought I was going to die. I had just dropped out of college from Rutgers back in New Jersey. I was living with my mom and my stepdad trying to figure out what my next move would be. I was making poor choices. In those poor choices, I found comfort with somebody that I thought would be there but lied to me. From that point, I made a decision, “Do I want to continue living in the victimhood of what I could possibly have of possibly contracting this, of being around loved ones who may not necessarily be there for me or do I want to start over?” With not knowing where I want to go, I knew that I needed to take that step. I moved across the country and left everything behind back in New Jersey to start. I had some family there. That was my first big move to prove to myself that I can do this on my own, that I can build my own family, that the people that I surround myself are those who supported me most in my next growth. 

From that moment, I started taking more steps towards personal development subconsciously. What does it mean to start working in a pharmacy and trying the medical industry anyway? What does it mean to own who I am and do it regardless of what other people may be saying? That was the big move going from New Jersey to Las Vegas and starting over on my own. That’s when I started opening up my mind to other things that was not in my peripheral and that includes spirituality. That includes checking out other religions outside of what I was raised on which was Catholicism. Becoming Reiki attuned, learning about other religions and other people who have extremely different lifestyles. Vegas was a great way for me to do that.

Kimchi: Thank you for sharing, Andrew. John?

John: Kimchi, when I met you years ago is when I first got into personal development. I bought my first program with Peak Potentials and it challenged me to do more. I was still in corporate at that point working in healthcare. I remember I came back from this event called Enlightened Warrior Training Camp and it changed my world. That’s when I decided to buckle down and turn on the warrior. Everything up to that point had been on automatic. I was doing things for my mother. It’s that mother bond that I was like, “I’ve got to be the good Asian boy. I’ve got to make a lot of money so that I can retire my mom because that’s what’s expected of a good Asian boy.” I had that story running the whole time. I took this course at the Enlightened Warrior Training Camp and I discovered that I could turn on my warrior and do whatever it took to succeed. Over the course of the next seven years, I made a ton of money in different businesses while I was still at corporate. I got to a point where I had all of this money that I had zero friends. I shut everyone on my life. I would come home from corporate. I would do my business stuff. I would work until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning and repeat this every single day.

I got to the point where I had this giant breakdown. I’d always had breakdowns every couple of years, but it was such a giant breakdown. I remember coming home to my wife and she was crying. She was like, “I can’t do this anymore. I need to do something different.” We worked up the plan. I got a business coach and they put me through these different practices to be able to go out on my own, independently start my own business. That’s when I moved from Chicago to California and left everything behind. We had our big 4,000-square foot house, sports cars and a house full of stuff. We sold everything and moved away. That’s what it takes every single time for me to get to that next level is to disappear at all. Leave it behind and start fresh.


Asian-American Men: You 100% choose who your family is, who you want to associate yourself with, and how they can continue to support you in your growth.

Kimchi: We all had to go through that breakdown in order to have a breakthrough phase. I’m glad that Peak Potentials course was beneficial for you.

John: I did that one course and was like, “I’m going to do them all.” I signed up and did them all.

Kimchi: What is your current message or vision?

CK: I come to appreciate the yin and yang symbol because it applies so much to our lives. Whether it be sovereignty versus surrendering or masculine and feminine. Within each one of us, there is the masculine; the sovereignty, directionality, intentionality, will power to make something manifest into reality. The yang sign which is receptivity, flow, surrendering to the greater universe. My message now is it’s not one or the other. It’s not, “I want to be more masculine.” “Do that.” “I want to be more feminine.” “Do that.” “I want to exert my will or make something out of the world. Make a dent in the universe.” “Do that.” “I want to surrender myself to God’s will and be the force for good.” “Do that.” Ultimately, if you are one or the other in a very unhealthy way, you’ll feel disharmonized. You’ll feel misaligned, mind, body, heart and spirit. To all of us, each of us, to find that point in the middle where you find harmony and have everything work. This relates to your health, relationships, career, whichever and only you know the answer to that. No one else outside of you know what the harmonious point is. My message is find a harmonious point, elevate your consciousness and awareness so that you can find the harmonious point.

Andrew: Based off of everything that we have been discussing so far, I would say my biggest message is that you have 100% choice in who your family is. We have been given a family and we deserve to be there for them in however you would like to be. As we continue on our life journey, we have people who come into our lives who we can choose to be part of our family. That support, that community is what drives us to take that next leap of faith to continue to grow and to continue to believe in oneself. As I’ve done this work for some time, I’ve built up who I want in my close circle, who I choose to be my family and how I want to continue respect the family that I have. The main message is you choose 100% who your family is, who you want to associate yourself with and how they can continue to support you in your growth.

John: My big vision has been there for the past two years. Since I’ve went into my spiritual awakening, spirit has been my message, spirit guiding. For me, it looks like God within. I’m not looking for an external God to help give me answers but finding God within myself. That shifted in the past. It’s been from pulling in chakra energy into my body and to feeling spirit within me. Not just on a cerebral level but more of within my whole body. Transferring spirit to everything that I do, whether I’m in meditation, whether it’s Kundalini energy or walking. Moving my body, being out with friends, feeling all of that in a spirit way. It’s the message that I’ve been coaching people for the last couple of years as well. It’s like, “Pull yourself into your body. Get yourself out of your head and your mind.” That’s where I’ve always been. Cerebral, trying to figure things out. My message has been to get out of your mind and get into your body and feel spirit everywhere.

Kimchi: Was there any resistance from your family members who objected to you to follow the new path because they felt that your choice was unstable and unfamiliar? This probably applied to John because John has a family. John has a spouse, but I don’t know about CK and Andrew. Did you have to ask your parent for approval on your new choice?

CK: That question implies that we should ask for permission to be who we are. I know that’s probably not your intention but that implies whoever is asking that question, the premise that I must ask the permission. To me, the difference between being a boy and being a man, being a boy asks for permission. Being a boy, I need validation from outside of me to step forward into my life’s path. Being a man to me implies someone who has sovereignty. Who knows who he is, who knows the path and responsibly of course unbiased of resources to wherewithal? I do have a wife and we do discuss these things. She trusts me enough to know that this is a life choice that I’m making for myself first and foremost, for my own fulfillment and but also to charter the course for the family household. Of course, human beings being human beings, our parents being our parents is concerned about these non-traditional job choices that I have made. Every single one she’s always concerned. Over time, I have proven enough to her that I know what I’m doing, “Trust in me, community and judgment.” She’s 70 years old. She would ask questions but then I ask her to trust God, to have faith in the whole process. She is slightly concerned but she trusts my judgment.

Andrew: I never ask for permission. Because of how I was raised, there was no opportunity to ask for permission. I remember growing up I would be like, “I want to do this. I want to do that.” “No, you should do this instead.” There was a point where I stopped asking. I realized that every time I ask, I wasn’t truly being in alignment with myself. That was the opportunity to see their perception on reality is very different from my perception. The only way to truly live out who I am I deserve to go for it regardless of what other people may say or believe. Seeing that for the first time was probably when my parents divorced. Seeing this whole world crumble before me and completely changed what I thought was real. The second part was when I realized I was gay and the church that I was going to was not in alignment with who I truly believe I am. I realized that I deserve to continue to step into that fear of who I am, whether or not people are with me. That allowed me to find permission within myself when I did a gut check. When I did an integrity check and see this isn’t feeling right, why am I always emotionally distraught from everything that’s coming my way?

That was the sign that I’m not aware where I’m supposed to be, that I need to do something else, that I deserve to do something else and that there are other people watching me. Hoping that I do so that they can take that step. I’m the oldest of six siblings. I do believe that when I stepped into more of who I was or who I am, my other brothers and sisters start to do the same exact thing. I know that they have been impacted by that. That alone is enough for me to continue to change what I’m doing. I did at the beginning ask for permission for me to be myself. There were so many fundamental things that were misaligning that I decided to get the permission for myself and do whatever I felt was best for me. That’s was freeing to take this next step into my own business and develop something that no one has ever created before.

John: I was the bad kid growing up. I always broke the rules. My brother was the one who followed the rules and he went to college. He had the straight A’s. He was number one on the tennis team. I was the one who got arrested and had a lot of fun. I didn’t ask. I was trailblazing, creating my own path. With my family it was pretty much, “This is what I want to do. What do you guys think?” They’re like, “No, you don’t want to do this.” It was a hard time because we live in Chicago. I was going to grad school and my wife was there with her entire family that lived in the area. We had moved back to her home town and moved to the town where her grandmother lived. They created a legacy there and I was like, “You lived your dream. That’s awesome. Now, it’s time for me to step into and live my dream. Let’s live our dream together because we can live on the ocean.” I always saw things as the continuation of the dream. What’s next? We’ve lived this dream. There’s a next dream. Was there something from my mother? She goes, “John, what are you doing? You’re in this six-figure job. You’re in this beautiful house.” She had this thing where she was always like, “I like my room.”

When we moved into this house, she came and bought her own furniture for her room. It was hilarious. She didn’t like that we moved to a little cottage in Carmel, California where it’s tiny. I had to put things aside and go, “Mom, this is the point where I have built this dream. I’m no longer doing this for you. I’m stepping into the man that I am. I’m creating something for me and then for my family. I love you as my mother. Come visit. We’ll go to Vietnam, we’ll go on vacation. We’ll see you over there.” I no longer had to ask for permission. If I ever did, there is probably something there out of respect. CK hit the nail on the head when he talked about it from the boy, to the man, to believing himself and then having that communication with your family. 

Kimchi: Most of us realized that we are all adults. The reason that we share our decision with the loved ones is that we respect them to let them know ahead of time, rather than asking for approval. I still see a lot of Asian men as well as Asian women, they would ask for approval. If the parents or the spouse don’t want them to pursue, they will not pursue their path. That causes misery. I like your answers. Thank you.

Asian-American Men: Any tool, if used appropriately with consciousness and intentionality, could be very conducive to the life journey.

John: I have Asian friends who are still on that track. The good boy who went to college for engineering who came here from Hong Kong and his parents said, “Go to the United States. Get your engineering degree. Build your house. Get a fine wife and then have children. Send them to Montessori school.” These prescription lives. It’s funny, these are the same people that I met going to personal development courses going, “What is this world?” There’s another option. They’re beginning to wake up to these other options that they are finding self and not having that big collapse with their parents’ perceptive identity of them. 

Kimchi: With the new perspective as an Asian-American, what areas in your Asian culture that are working, need to be nurtured and expanded? What areas do you think that are not working and need to be changed?

CK: I don’t hold myself to my Asian background per se. There are bits and pieces of who I am for sure. I’ve got part of who I am from living in Taiwan getting Chinese education, Confucianism, teaching all these things. More and more, I look at it from all angles. To me, the elevation of consciousness means that I can hold opposing ideas, multiple ideas all together. That was a long rant to your question. What I love about the Asian culture is the respect to the elders, their respect to their heritage to their culture. I’m learning over again, “Don’t dismiss 5,000 years of history because I learned all these new ideas.” Learning to appreciate ancient wisdom of Confucianism even more around from Laozi even more, these thought leaders from ancient times. However as far as traditions go, people who are “traditionalist,” they like to hold those ideas very tightly. One thing that we, as human beings, any cultures need to also learn to be open-minded to new ideas. Some of them may be opposing to the ideas that you strongly believe.

Hence, the value of going to places like Burning Man where ideas are all there. All different kinds of people who live their lives in a different way. Getting engaged with them and then learn from their perspective, “What about this one? Will that work?” I never thought it would be possible to embrace the desert and even psychedelics. That’s a case in point. To me, when I was growing up, substances equals bad, crime and a life of being a miserable person. What I realized too like any tools, these new ideas, means, lifestyle if used appropriately, used with consciousness and intentionality could also be very conducive to the life journey that I want to take on. Respect the elders and also learn about letting go of some of the thoughts, some of the traditions and curve the situation.

Andrew: I do value the Asian-American culture. I can speak on the Filipino part of that where family is important and respecting your elders. Seeing that they come from a place of traditionalism where things have worked for them up to this point. To respect that and honor that, has allowed me to see that how I can redefine that for myself. I do value that part of the Asian-American culture where family’s important, tradition’s important. It’s a groundwork of where you can start. When we nourish that, we can bring out the best in the younger generations, whether or not we fully agree with the traditional mindset that some of our elders may have. I include myself when I think about that, it has its benefits.

On the flip side, when I think about what we can work on it’s in the same category around family. At least in my experience, a lot of advice giving and a lot of telling you what you need to do. I’d love to see more of the supportive side, where it’s not necessarily parents or elders telling you exactly what you need to do but being supportive and guiding you in finding what your purpose is and what your vision is. Giving those life skills or trying that on instead so that younger generations can find out who they truly are meant to be. We’re now in a place where we don’t all have to be a doctor, lawyer or an accountant because we already have people who are passionate in that. We need more creatives. We need more people who are looking to do more work on the conscious level like what we’re all speaking about. We’re willing to try out these new ideas and fuse all these different types of ideas to create newer evolved ideas so that we can continue to evolve as a human race.

John: I’ll echo this, but I’ll try to spin it in a little bit of a different direction. When I think about Asian culture, the things that I love about it is that there is respect of the elders. There’s respect of your people and taking care of your people. When I was in college, I was the president of the Asian Student Association. The thing that I learned from my family is take care of your own people. Pull them in together so that you can learn from each other. As I walked across the campus in North Carolina, there weren’t a lot of Asians. When we saw people, we were like, “Grab them, gather them. Let them know that they’re not alone. Bring them along for the ride.” It was to come together. That’s always been something that I love bringing community together. When you see brothers or sisters out there, as they come along on the ride with you. The other piece of the Asian culture that I love is spirituality. The quietness, the silence that Asians can step into. There’s something about quieting your mind, quieting your heart so that you can learn. You can learn from yourself by going inward. It’s something that I use in my meditation practice that helps me find answers. I don’t get that in the other cultures but where the other cultures do dovetail in, that’s not necessarily the Asian cultures is being open to a vast array of other ideas, not having and be dogmatic.

Within the Asian belief structures there’s the Asian way to do it. There’s the purest way to do it. When you look at Daoist priest, which I’ve got one that’s a good friend. He was like, “There is one way to do this.” I was like, “No, you missed that part.” He goes, “No, this is the way.” I was like, “I get that’s the way and it works.” There’s a vast array of ideas that we can open ourselves to and find out what is the right way for me, for individuals. Not a right way for the people but finding the right way for each of us. By taking the elements that we’ve learned from our culture and bring it into the present, it’s a transformation of the way things were happening, an evolution. That’s why we’re all awesome because we’re all part of that.

Kimchi: What do you suggest Asian men do to change it? What are the steps to change? How long would it take them to do it? Change the things that does not work, change the culture.

CK: Confucius mentioned a quote which means self-mastery first in your household, then country, then world. In this case, be the change that you want to see. Start with yourself, first and foremost. One of the pitfalls that I see in the personal development world too is this. They think more tactics, more strategy, books, knowledge and information is the answer. I have a coach from someone who is young, twenty-something years old to now he’s 27 years old. He grows company from nothing to $300 million. His wish is about to exit in the next 90 days. I’m sharing that as an example of how he elevates his consciousness level from himself first and foremost. Once he knows who he is, got his purpose in life then he can drop away any behaviors, beliefs, addictions that all serve that purpose. That to me is the fastest way to manifest external, anything that you want, whether that be yourself, relationships or even business success. That to me is the through line, the key to any kind of change that you want to see. You want to impact the world? Start with yourself, then your household, then your company, then community and then the world.

Andrew: To take it to a different perspective, the beginning step is being vulnerable, sharing your story and sharing your perspective. I’m seeing even with myself growing up, I was afraid to share who I was. I was afraid to even consider that I was different. It prevented me from taking any steps forward. To find the courage within oneself and just share how you’re feeling, the emotion is not saying, “I feel good, I feel bad,” but the true emotions, “I feel anxious, depressed, sad, or upset.” When we share how we truly feel at a vulnerable base level, we’re able to see that awareness and grow from that and create actual change. The next step that I would feel is definitely supportive is to surround yourself around people who also want that or who are open to considering it. When you have that community, you can take it to the next level. Being vulnerable, sharing it with people that truly matter to you and you can do that together to create a flow. To be able to share this platform with the three of you, it makes a huge difference. This has opened my mind around the Asian-American culture. I’ve never had experienced anything like this before. Part of me allowed myself to disconnect. To share vulnerably my story, to hear your stories, it is creating that ripple effect. I know that this is so important to talk about whether or not you know what you’re talking about. Just to talk about it makes a big difference. I consider this a community in itself.

John: Another level of it would be as Asian men wanting to make change, a lot of the times we have so much ancestral energy within us like Mongol warriors. Sometimes when we want things to happen, we take out our swords and we’re like, “Let’s make it happen.” There’s so much energy within us. The medicine is the opposite of that. It’s men softening. Not becoming feminine but softening as men so that we can be in our hearts. That’s been the biggest medicine that I’ve been able to take on to create any change. The big piece of that is having the healing conversation. As adults, we’ve had so many different traumatic experiences throughout our lives. Unless we’re willing to go in and address those conversations, whatever we made it mean during our lifetime, we’re not able to show up powerfully. We’re not able to affect change now unless we go back and address those things. The work that I’ve done over the past couple of years working with a shaman, it’s been a tremendous help to go and have these different conversations. 

Asian-American Men: When we want things to happen, we have to take out our swords.

I’ll give you one example, it’s having the conversations that I have with my father and what I made them me. Growing up, my dad was in the military. He was a drill sergeant. He was very forceful. I never knew what my place was in the household. I was like, “Am I supposed to be a warrior all the time with my dad? Am I allowed to choose my own path?” Until I had conversations with him before he passed away, it was something I had hanging on the outskirts. I wasn’t able to affect change or have a heart to heart with anyone because I didn’t have that at the time when identity was formed within myself. That’s been able to make all the difference. Come from hearts, have the hard conversations and heal thyself.

Kimchi: What’s your view on Asian-American women? Do you think that we have changed or advanced farther than the Asian-American men? In what way we did and what way we didn’t? 

CK: I don’t look at people or women in general as Asian women, not Asian women or things like that. I would make a general statement about women. The communities that I surround myself with are conscious communities. People who are looking or actively working to elevate their own consciousness, whether it be entrepreneurial realm, spiritual realm, combination of both relationally. What I love seeing is women stepping into their femininity. Even more so, they also start to respect the masculine side as well. I hear a lot especially after the whole #MeToo Movement, I hear toxic masculinity, “I was way too masculine, this conversation or discussion.” The reality is that there is masculinity and femininity within each one of us. There is healthy masculine and unhealthy masculine as well as healthy feminine and unhealthy feminine too. Let’s not forget that. To say one polar side is wrong, bad or toxic, is a completely weird way of looking at this spectrum of energy that we all have within us.

What I love seeing is the recognition of the femininity as well as masculine. Also, the recognition of the importance of community whether it be the women’s circle or men’s circle. That’s what I love seeing. I personally haven’t talked to a lot of Asian women who are thinking this way. A lot of the Asian women that I speak to are still the traditionalists. They hold on to their gender role. They hold on to their specific heritage point of view about, “Here’s what a man is supposed to be, here’s what a woman is supposed to be. Here’s what I should say, here’s what I shouldn’t say,” but then they hold back on what doesn’t work for them internally. Then blow up over something really small like a toothpaste. Little things like that. Cultivating that inner awareness but also the ability to articulate what works and what doesn’t work in the emotional side of it. The intricate colors and the palettes in a way that’s productive. I believe that is a work to be had from an Asian woman’s point of view. Of course, there is caveat here. I’m not an Asian woman. I have no idea what it’s like to be an Asian woman.

Andrew: When I read this, I felt it was loaded because of who I am and where I come from. In my experience of Asian-American women overall is that they are powerful. It’s a matter of them recognizing their own power. I was raised in New Jersey so demographically New York is right there and there’s a lot of independence that’s run on the East Coast. A lot of the Asian-American women that I surround myself with then were very powerful. They’re very successful, very career oriented. Maybe it’s Las Vegas maybe it’s the West Coast in general, I found more traditional Asian-American women. People who were looking to stay in their role of what they knew through their family. When I moved to San Francisco, it’s similar to New York. San Diego feels a halfway point between Las Vegas, New York and San Francisco. It’s been varied in my experience. If I were to bring up also the LGBT community, Asian-American women seem to either go extreme where they are very traditional and want to stay traditional even in a world where it seems so untraditional.

There are also women who want to completely throw everything out and be unconventional. There doesn’t seem to be a majority of people in one specific area. It all depends on their past experiences, which is a great realization too. The difference between men and women is slowly dissipating more and more. It’s more about the masculine and the feminine energy. How much masculinity do you want have in your personality versus how much femininity? When I look at myself and that’s also been a battle. I wasn’t sure if I was masculine enough or if I’m too feminine and to explore that has been amazing, to be around conscious people. At this level has also been supportive to figure out that owning my femininity and masculinity has allowed me to grow exponentially in all aspects of my life. I see that with a lot of women too, when they allow themselves to own their masculinity, femininity and see where they want to be. Not even saying that they fall prey to, “I’m a girl so I have to be 100% feminine or I’ve gone through all of this crap in my life so that means I need to be masculine.”

When they become aware of where they are and where they want to be, they’ve been able to transcend exponentially.

The other part of this question was, do you think that we have advanced further than men? It’s a little bit easier for men to express who they are but not so much emotionally. Women it’s easier for them to express emotionally. I’ve been catching a lot of Asian men not so much, unless they’re in a community like this where they are looking to develop themselves. Those who are more emotionally aware and intelligent. I feel that there is a rift right there where if you’re not looking to grow then you’re stuck in that traditional mindset of what the Asian-American man is supposed to be. If you are willing to grow, be vulnerable and share your emotions then you can transcend that and go alongside the rest of humanity.

John: I don’t hang around with a lot of Asian people. I hear what you were saying Andrew that the Asian people I do hang out with are conscious. The Asian men speak up more than the Asian women. It’s not from an emotional standpoint. It’s from, “I’m going to get some stuff done,” type standpoint. They’ll address that. The Asian women that I know in this space are phenomenal. On either spectrum, I’m not seeing a ton of people within the Asian community. Maybe that’s because I don’t hang out with a lot of Asian people like taking on change, making a difference but that could be where I live. I’ve lived in predominately white areas. I don’t know what to do with that. I love how CK says, “We’ve become assimilated within our culture of moving to where the energy is.” Moving to where we want to be and not have it be cultural, but have it be an energetic, “Here’s who we love to be around.” That’s part of the evolution as, “We’re all Asian. That’s awesome and we have very similar thinking, but we don’t have to be with each other.” I remember when I was president of the Asian Student Association and we went to the Million Man March in DC. I remember having an epiphany. It’s great that we all come together as Asians. Sometimes that hurts us from opening our hearts bigger to everyone and going, “We’re all in this together no matter where we’re from, let’s open our hearts so that we can grow even quicker, even deeper.” 

Kimchi: That is the purpose of this podcast. It’s not to talk about the old traditional culture but to recognize it. Share the way to evolve from the traditional into the new way as Asian-American women. What do you wish the Asian-American women do more and be more? Imagine that these women could be your mom, sisters or spouse.

CK: I will generalize this mainly because we’re on this path together. If you look at an onion, there is the outer game stuff. The strategies, tactics to maintain our body, heart, spirit, things that you can touch. There’s the inner world of letting go some beliefs, trauma or things I don’t service anymore. From my point of view, it is our individual journey to clarify what we stand for, what are our core values, where are we heading towards? The vehicle you’re driving. What is your purpose? Why do you do what you do? From that, how can you operationalize your core values into the time that you spent, the resources they have, the energy you spend, the money that you have to build on the life that you want, to have the relationship that you want to have. Outside of any social constructs of parental expectations, cultural expectations, societal expectations because in the end if you ask yourself these hard questions. What makes you who you are? What makes you fulfilled? What makes you successful? Only you know.

Everyone else’s opinions and everything, the intention may be there to guide you, to help you to make his path a little bit easier if you’re a doctor, lawyer, accountant. Probabilistically speaking, that may give you some expected outcome success. If you wanted to carve out who you are, the path that we want ultimately leads through clarity, the awareness of all those things that is important for you and allocate your resources accordingly. That’s the individual point of view. I don’t care if you’re a man. I don’t if you’re a woman. I don’t care if you’re transgender, it doesn’t matter. That is a human journey. That’s what I’ll say to whoever. Elevate your consciousness. Elevate your awareness and move your resources according to what truly values.

Andrew: I agree where it’s not necessarily men versus women doing more. Also, to reflect on the question, I thought about my own mother and my sisters and how they are entrenched in the Filipino culture. When it comes down to that, I feel they use that as an excuse as to why they’re not stepping up and owning their own story of who they are. When I look at my mother, she is an incredible human being who works hard. She is very hospitable. She will do everything for her kids, husband and for her work but she loses track of herself in the process or she has in the past. I’m not saying that’s all Asian women, although in my experience of Asian women that’s been consistent. They would over deliver for other people but not themselves, to the point where they have nothing left to give. They have given everything, and they haven’t poured into themselves. The bigger concept is to be in a state of abundance and truly love yourself to the point where you are truly giving your all. Giving to the point where you’re overflowing with abundance that you can give to other people. That’s the concept that I’d love to see more when I think about my mother, when I think about my sister and thus could be generalized Asian women who have experienced their Asian culture impacting how they want to live their life.

Asian-American Men: Be in a state of abundance and truly love yourself to the point where you are overflowing with it that you can give to other people.

John: I’ve mainly worked with women over the last couple of years. Women are my clients. It’s twenty women at a time that I keep a steady flow. Whether it’s Asian or another culture, where I’ve seen this shift has been from the woman who takes care of everyone to the woman asking herself, “Who am I? Who do I want to become?” Stepping into their beautiful most powerful goddess. When I met CK at Burning Man, it’s witnessing women know who they are, talk about what they want, what they desire. Talk about the things in the world that they want to change. Having their voice come out and being completely powerful. Knowing who they are making a difference in the world, that’s incredible. That’s amazingly powerful and to see more women step into that would be a blessing to all of us. There’s so much beautiful and nurturing that we can get from women. There’s also a power that I believe. The divine feminine power is beautiful and creative. It can be even more powerful than the patriarchy that we see. That’s who Asian women could step into. Take that on because you want to make a difference in this world of who you are, start with you to find that and let your throat shocker wide open and start yelling and screaming. Let us hear your voice. There’s a stereotypical thing of Asian women being very quiet. You’ve got a lot to say and the world wants to hear it. All of us men want to hear it, so share it.

CK: If you have those who don’t want to hear it, think about are those your people that you should be surround yourself with. If they suppress your voice, beauty and shine, that is something you need consider.

Kimchi: As an Asian American man, would you describe the qualities or traits of your life partner? What are the must-have qualities for you to choose that person as your life partner?

CK: I was pretty jaded at the time when I was setting my Ayahuasca ceremony. I dated tons of women. Jaded because I didn’t feel like I could have ever met anyone who is as intentional about growth as I am. I sat in the ceremony. Luckily for me, there was a powerful couple, a masculine man and feminine woman sitting right in front of me the whole night. I’m looking at them interacting with each other in such a way that I never experienced before. Later on, I walked up to the woman and said, “That was very inspiring. Where can I find someone like you, someone high-caliber like you?” She said, “I don’t know. Why don’t you make a list?” I said, “What an idea.” I wrote a list of my must-haves, which is your question. Number one is growth-oriented. Number two is feminine. Number three is wise and generous. These are my must-haves. Since I can have anything I want in the world, why not write down someone nice to have as well. I like red hair, so I wrote down, “Red hair.” I wrote down, “Given that I stayed at Madison Circle, I love someone who knows how to sing, a vocalist.” I wrote down, “I love French accent. Maybe a British accent too. This or that I’m good with it.” 

God is kind, God as generous to me. A month later I met my wife. My wife is a world-class vocalist. I wish for someone who knows how to sing. God, generous being as he is, gave me a world-class vocalist. She also has a quality of this warrior’s spirit. She is Mongolian, the descendant of Genghis Khan. As a testament of her warrior spirit, she went deep into the Brazilian jungle to live there for a month to study tribal medicine, tribal music and where there’s no electricity. Just the whole thing is a crazy story. That’s what I’ll say for our audience, you want to manifest your partner, just believe, have clarity about your must-haves. Believe in your belief and manifest, a partner who’s deserving of you.

Andrew: Manifestation is everything. I am single, so this is just going to be a manifestation right here. I know that I will be attracting a life partner that is willing to communicate, that is receptive and that has that growth mindset. Those are the key things that I love to see in a life partner. With those fundamental pieces, I believe that you can basically create an amazing relationship. With that I’d love to be able to see someone who is tapping into spirituality too because this is amazing. When I was growing up, I thought that religion and spirituality were the same exact thing. I thought there was no difference. That’s part of how I was raised. 

Then I learned that religion is underneath your spirituality, and with spirituality it’s all encompassing. I want to be with someone who has that mindset around spirituality that is willing to grow and learn in the way that I’m doing that. We don’t necessarily have to have the same vision. The other thing too is to have a life partner is to have someone who’s willing and ready to continue doing what they’re doing and I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to be doing and we’re doing it together in alignment. Parallel with each other and being there for each other and making sure that we have what we need and continue to grow in that regard. Those are huge things that I’d love to see. Travel is also big one. Overall, wanting to grow, wanting to learn and embrace everyone else’s culture.

John: I’ve been married for twenty years and I’ve got two little girls who are eight and ten. If I go way back to when I was in college, I went to a college where it was one guy for every eight women. That’s why I chose it. Take it out for what it is. I was in high school, that’s where I was at my consciousness level and that’s what I wanted. The manifestation that I wanted back then, I wanted someone who was European. I grew up in Germany. I love the European accents and I love a woman with blonde hair and that were adventurous. What I manifested was a Polish American girl with blonde hair, green eyes, who had traveled the world. All of our communications have always been about travel. We’ve traveled the world in the last twenty years. We go to different countries all the time. It’s always pushing each other to grow.

When I met Kimchi years ago, I remember being in corporate going, “I should join these professional development programs.” It was $30,000 to join this program for a two-year commitment. My wife said, “Do it. I want you to grow.” Since then we’ve always pushed each other to do all our professional development conferences. We’ve done many medicine journeys together. Sometimes along the way we’ve reached each other’s thresholds of, “I want you to try this. Trust me.” There’s been a big, “Screw you. That’s crazy,” but we’ve allowed each other space to be a yes or a no. Ultimately what happens is when we choose to grow together, we grow deeper. When we chose to step apart and go our separate ways, we’ve grown apart. That’s been the ebb and flow of our relationship. It’s something that’s continual. We’ll continue to manifest things that we want within the relationship. We’ll continue to manifest our different adventures.

I love how CK said, “Make a list.” It’s not just a partner you want. It’s what you want for your partner. Being a stand for them to growing the most amazing person that they can grow into not just for you, but to the extent that they can ascend to their greatest self ever. That’s love, that’s connection. Find that person and be that person for them that has them reach their dreams, whatever they want to do, whether that’s with you or not. That’s the dedication to creating a lasting relationship. That’s why I’m still here for twenty years and many ups and downs. We do crazy adventures together. She rides a motorcycle to work every day. That’s the relationship that we’ve had and have.

Kimchi: How is your journey to the new path so far? What results have you gotten since the time you changed to your new career compared to the results you would have gotten if you did not change your path?

CK: I’m a mathematician, so I would not know what path A option is because I didn’t take it. I will answer this question from where I’m at right now. My first path was a path of a professional scientist. I chose another path to be in the business of science managing Nobel Laureates and world-class scientists. The next path I picked was a product manager or a startup entrepreneur. Another path I took is executive coach. The latest path I took is to curate spiritual conscious expanding events for conscious entrepreneurs. From my point of view, each path that I took on has different probabilistic outcomes to the purpose that I want to have, which is to make an impact in a very deep way to highly conscientious individuals. That’s the life that I picked. The feedback that I got from my clients has been that this 27-years old entrepreneur who I’ve been engaging in conversation for about seven years, went from being a club promoter to someone without purpose to. To now he has a company of 150 people about to sell it for $300 million. That to me is a very concrete result, how through conscious elevating conversations with me coaching and otherwise. He’s able to rebuild his life from the inside out. 

When you speak to him, he is not someone who has the wisdom of a 27 years old. He is way ahead in terms of level of consciousness, how he’s thinking about, literally think about building platforms to change the world. He is also providing for his employees and so on. The ripple effect continues. That’s the outcome that I have, the clearest to me. Obviously, there are much smaller ones. People telling me how these conversations about clarifying one’s purpose, how that is important. People who listen to one podcast. How the tactical discipline is changing their relationships with their women, with themselves. These are all the non-traditional path that I’ve taken on. Based on the feedback that have gotten qualitatively and quantitatively, it’s been a worthy and rewarding journey so far.

Andrew: For me, I would say it has been tumultuous but definitely well-worth it. Going up and down in almost every job that I’ve had, I felt like I’ve been going up and down trying to figure out who I am, what my purpose means. Am I finding it in this job? The reason why I didn’t find it was because I was defining my purpose through my jobs. The moment that I stepped up doing that was the most freeing moment. That’s when I allowed myself to dream and think what is it that I truly want to do? Even if it’s not the right thing, what is it that I’d like to do now? I realized that I do want to build out a festival. The vehicle for me to do that is through coaching, through personal development because that’s supporting me most in the last few years and the rest of my life. The people that I surround myself with in the last two years has also supported me in realizing that. Part of that was allowing myself to invest in a program that believed in me. I’ve never spent any money on myself before especially in personal development. For me to invest over $15,000 in a program that’s supposed to support me in figuring out my why, getting clear in my goals, taking action on those goals and having community in the process, that has definitely been a dream.

It allowed me to see that I can do this. I’ve only been a coach for a short period of time but now have coached over 1,400 people through this company and created more for myself than you’ll ever possibly imagine. To finally leave them to start my own business has been very scary. The results have proven itself through the clients that I’ve had. For me, that’s what supported me in seeing that I’m on the right track. I’ve had clients who said the one conversation that they had was the reason why they are where they’re at. There’s one client that comes to mind who didn’t need coaching. She felt like she didn’t need coaching. She has millions of dollars, she already has a trust in all these things. She’s fine. Then I had a conversation with her and it was like, “I see you as if what you are talking about is based off on what you’re telling me what you want to create.” Now, she’s impacted over almost 1,000 boys and girls in India who are living in poverty. She’s creating orphanages in India that she didn’t expect herself to be creating. The resources kept coming because she allowed herself to believe, speak truth and speak what she wanted. Even if it’s just a 30-minute call with me on a regular basis or if it’s with anybody else, she has been so thankful for that one conversation that started the journey.

I’ve heard that over time and time again with all the clients that I have had varying from 18 years old to 80. It’s amazing to see the growth. If I didn’t take the stand and say, “I don’t need anyone else’s permission but my own,” all of these people would not have been impacted. Who knows what they could be doing instead? I know that in retrospect, the world would stay at a lower vibration because no one will allow themselves the opportunity to see it because I didn’t allow myself to see it. If I’m not living out that truth, how else is anyone else going to live the truth?

John: For me, it started years ago when I moved to California. I stepped away from corporate. What’s funny is moving to California and selling everything, starting my own business, I thought it was going to be the greatest business decision I’ve ever made in my life. What it turned out to be was the best personal decision I ever made. I started a branding company and I moved out here. I got connected with all of these different women’s empowerment companies. My business partner and I would show up and we would bring in 20, 30, 40 women into the business. We were like, “We’re going to be so rich.” What happened is as we started to listen to all of these women and what they were going through, we started trying on their ideas for ourselves. We saw how unconscious we were. We saw that we never asked the hard questions. We were like, “We’re amazing.” We had all those egos. We thought we had it all. What the last years have been for me has not been professional at all. It’s been successful, but it hasn’t been successful financially. I wouldn’t say in the last few years I’ve made the most money I’ve ever made. It’s been the most giving.

I’m a totally different human being than I was years ago because I have softened into myself. I learned how to listen, not just to respond but listening for what’s on the other side of people’s conversations. That’s what got me into coaching because I was like, “This is an actual skill because no one listens.” I learned how to listen for people’s hearts and what they truly desired. That’s made me so rich in myself because I started to listen to myself. I would say being able to totally blow up my relationship and then put it back together. That’s probably the biggest success I’ve had. Looking at, “Do I want to be in this marriage? Let’s blow it up. Let’s put it back together piece by piece and let’s see what I like and what I don’t like. I don’t like this. Let’s address it.” I had gotten to communication. That’s been probably the biggest gift because in getting into communication or being able to create very close friendships with a lot of different people. I’ve created a community here now where some of my best friends and I will get together on a daily basis. I just came back from hiking with two of my best guy friends. We went hiking up into the mountains and we came down in four hours. It was like, “What are we going to create next year?” We were like, “Here’s what we’re going to create. We’re going out into the wilderness and disappear for a week. We’re going to have a ceremony and we’re going to push each other. We’re going to climb trees and push each other into the lakes and rivers.” It was like, “Let’s do that.”

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Remarkable Story About Living Your Dreams


I spent time with my best girlfriends. We were up on the mountains in these Indian burial grounds. We were talking about our hearts. What is there to be able to do to talk about the patriarchy of this world? How can we have been softened but still meet them where they’re at? The greatest gift has been slowing down. When I first moved here, one of my great friends, he is this giant 6’5” 300-pound guy. He would always come over and he’d go, “John Wayne, slow down.” I’m a part of another men’s group of 28 men all in their 60s. They’re always like, “John, you’re going too fast. Stop doing all of these different businesses. Slow down.” I never knew what that meant until when I was able to pick up a book, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. I was able to read it. When I came upon words, I had just paused on because my entire life has been a race. I have raced through everything; accomplishment, achievement, money, even books. I did 30 or 40 books this year. It was something to get through. In the last couple of weeks, being on sabbatical, taking time, taking two weeks to read a book and delving into it, I was able to see the words on the page. I was like, “I’ve slowed down.” It wasn’t the comprehension, it was getting it. Getting myself, feeling into every word. That’s been the greatest gift that I’ve ever given myself. It’s a good medicine.

Kimchi: What if our audience ask you how would they know when it’s time for them to change their career path? What will be your answer?

CK: Feel yourself because as I say over and over again, you are the only person who knows whether or not you’re in harmony, whether or not you have that distress, you have that unease within you. Take a moment, sit by yourself in silence for half an hour, and lean into the needs that you have. If you feel that you can’t seem to have that peace of mind to go to sleep, your mind is always running for whatever reason. That you can keep still on the physical side of things for even just a few minutes. That’s something for you to consider because that’s your body somatically telling you, “There’s something going on. Something is unsettled about the way that you live your life.” Not even make it 30 minutes, even five minutes or ten minutes. If you can even do that, that’s something for you to reconsider, “Do I need a reset of what I’m doing operationally, physically, mentally or socially?” Look at the whole thing. There’s something probably happening.

Andrew: Every major decision I’ve made whether it’s conscious or subconscious has been from sitting still and being quiet and meditating, which is interesting to bring up because I never realize that that’s what’s driven me for the past few years. I have made a lot of decisions out of impulse and irrationality. The best decisions I’ve made were the ones where I did allow myself to sit down and think, “Is this where I want to go?” In those moments, I probably had the most breakdowns and cried the most because that’s when you know it’s meant to happen. When you check on yourself and you check how you are feeling and you’re not settled, then that’s your opportunity to reflect and see what next step is in alignment with your true vision of what you want.

If you have no idea what that is, then what’s the way to resource up and find out what that is? That’s when coaching has been pivotal for my growth because I didn’t even want to sit down and meditate. I was afraid of being alone with myself. Music has been a gift and also to another degree, a numbing agent because I allowed it to fill the space when I didn’t want to face myself. In those moments when I did have a coach to speak into me and say, “Try this or what’s coming up for you?” Just the simple questions. I realized that this means it’s time for change. Sitting with yourself and also finding a way to resource up. Those are the two takeaways.

John: If you don’t feel lit up in life, if you’re not excited and you have some energy there that gets you going in the morning, then ask yourself if you feel stuck. That’s a great meditation, “Am I stuck?” If you could quiet yourself in order to feel your stuckness, I’ve done this meditation a lot in my life. The message I always get back is, “If you’re stuck, the only way to get unstuck is to move.” The only way to do that is to get into your body whether that’s dancing, running, exercising or whatever it is. That’s what kept you be unstuck and come up with new ideas. Check in with yourself. Either you’re excited about life or you’re not. You’re either excited about your career, your business or you’re not. There are a lot of different financial conversations you can have around that if it makes sense to have your business keep performing with someone else in it financially. You’re the person, you’re the energy. Put that in some place that you enjoy. We have friends and relatives and people around the world dying all the time. We don’t know how much time we have here. Live it up because this is what we have. We are humans. Let’s be excited humans. It will make a difference in your daily life.

Asian-American Men: When we choose to grow together, we grow deeper.

Kimchi: I know that our audience would want to contact you. How would they be able to contact you?

CK: I run a podcast called Noble Warrior. You can just go to iTunesStitcher, Google Play and google Noble Warrior with CK Lin. This is a place where myself and other conscious men have conversations about what it means to be a man in modern times. We’d go through practical tips, techniques and disciplines who are self-discipline for entrepreneurship, relationship and so forth. That will be one area. Another area is if you are curious about how high-performance coaching in entrepreneurship or men in your life, definitely send me a message. Let’s see how I can help you elevate your personal life as well as business. If you can send me an email at [email protected], that would be a great place.

Andrew: The easiest way to get in contact with me is my Instagram, @LivinItHappy or my email address at [email protected]h. I’m building out other avenues with which people can contact me, but those are the two main points. Feel free to contact me about either coaching, music, personal development, being in the LGBT community, being an Asian man, being an Asian woman. I’m open to any conversation. That’s the beauty about human connection. I’m not looking for anything but to connect. From there, we can take that next step and see, “What is your vision?” A lot of people have no idea what their vision is. I’d love to support those who have no idea or have some idea but still wants to fine-tune that.

John: If they want to contact me, I’m John Wayne. I have a website called IamJohnWayne.com. You can contact me for business advising and coaching. In the world of coaching, this is probably for all of us. We all do business coaching, but it always comes down to self-right. It’s having this conversation about who we are and who we want to be. It’s a fun game to play, to be able to plan out what it is you’re doing for the year for your legacy and what you’re going to create. I’d love to have that conversation. If you want to have it as well, reach out to me.

Kimchi: That’s all the time that we have for now. Thank you, CK, John and Andrew, for being here and participating in this discussion. I appreciate it and I hope you enjoy it too. For our audience, what is your takeaway from this episode? Let us know your thoughts. If you enjoy this podcast, please subscribe, review, rank and share the link to this podcast at www.AsianWomenOfPower.com. Share it on your social media and tell a friend. We appreciate your support. Until next time, live life loud.

Important Links:

Episode Quotes 

"Having a spirit guidance is like having God within myself."

"Stop giving advice; be supportive and give guidance instead."

"Men need to have more healing conversations."

"The greatest gift is slowing down."

"The external pursuit of external success ultimately is a tunnel we don’t chase in the end."

"We all have to go through that breakdown in order to have a breakthrough phase."

"The best decisions made were the ones you allowed yourself to sit down and think."

About CK Lin

CK Lin helps high performers to reach their next-level life and business outcomes. The combination of his purpose-driven philosophy, modern scientific training, and in-depth studies of ancient techniques gives him a unique approach that accelerates his client’s inner and outer success.

Business-wise, CK helps clients develop operating systems, roadmaps and strategies to achieve explosive revenue growth and attract high performer candidates.

[email protected]
[email protected]

About John Wayne

With over 22 years of experience in marketing and building brands, John teaches people how to get clear, live a life in alignment with who they truly are, and grow a successful business. Four years ago, he quit his corporate job and stepped into his own marketing agency full time.

John is a published author with Penguin Random House. He spoke at national and international conferences around the world.

He received a BA from the University of North Carolina in English, and an MBA from DePaul University in Entrepreneurship/Marketing. He was a Brand Manager at ConAgra Foods, CEO of a garage startup called Kintech Software, and an Internet Marketing Director at Healthcare Financial Management Association. He founded and built a marketing agency called Social Experts to over 6 figures before moving to California. He now runs an advising company where he personally mentors his clients. John’s mission is to guide people to use their gifts to make a difference in this world. John lives in a place called Carmel-by-the-sea in California with his beautiful wife and two lovely daughters.

[email protected]

About Andrew Suba

Andrew Suba is a certified coach that helps others get vision clarity, break through limiting beliefs and hold them accountable to their goals, thus creating tangible results. He has been a certified coach, speaker, and trainer for 2 years, has helped create transformation with over 1,500 clients.

His life vision is to combine all his passions into a personal development music festival unlike any other, where creativity, collaboration, and community collide.

Andrew is originally from Nutley, NJ and loves music, dance, travel, and coaching.

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