Empowered Children Will Transform The Generation with Mary Tan

Empowered Children Will Transform The Generation with Mary Tan

Before our guest joins us, I like to read one review from our audience. This one is from EmikoR with the title, “I love this show. I love this podcast because this is the type of podcast I had been looking for. As a Japanese immigrant woman, I appreciate hearing from other Asian women’s honest conversation that I can relate to. Kimchi is also a great host. She brings inspiring guests and encourage us to live life loud. Thank you, Kimchi, for creating this. You are amazing.” Thank you, EmikoR, for your kind review. I’m happy to hear that this podcast gives you what you are looking for.

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Mary Tan is a Taiwanese-American woman, international bestselling author, speaker and business strategist. She’s a high priestess on a mission as the queen maker who frees women to claim their voice, message and mission to make a greater impact in this world. She is the Founder of Light Warrior School, an institution for children and Priestess Leadership School, a school for moms. Mary is passionate about helping moms coach their sensitive and strong-willed children through emotional challenges with great confidence. When she’s not changing the world, she is at home having a salsa dance party with her incredible husband and two little girls in Southern California. Welcome, Mary Tan.

Thank you so much for having me, Kimchi. It’s such an honor.

You’re welcome. Mary, tell us a little bit about your childhood.

That’s a big one. I’ll try to keep it short because it’s pretty juicy, it’s pretty dramatic and entertaining, which is why I do what I do and I’m so passionate. When we overcome such big challenges, a lot of times it becomes our passion to help lift others up. I’m the first born in America to two Taiwanese parents. I have one older brother. I didn’t realize until later in my adult years that they are actually both narcissistic and one is bipolar. That makes for a very toxic, abusive and difficult childhood. Luckily, I had an older brother, together we were allies and we laughed our way through. That’s what kept us sane and alive. Honestly, we joke all the time about, “How did we make it?”

When did you come here to America?

I was born in America. My brother was born in Taiwan and we moved all around the world because of my father’s work and we moved every three years to a new country. There was a lot of instability physically and internally. As an Asian-American, at home I was only allowed to speak Taiwanese and Mandarin. At school, there’s only English and it was a very strict upbringing. I think a lot of people in my generation that moved here, like my story, probably experienced the same culture clash. I felt like I was living two lives. I had to be seen and not heard. I had no voice, no opinion. I had to follow rules, speak when spoken to, no TV, no sleepovers and no phone. It was a different experience than I have now.

Who was your role model? Your role models were your parents?

Isn’t that interesting? As children, we don’t know any better. Children are born into a situation, a scenario, a blueprint. You don’t know that there’s anything wrong with it. That’s all they know. That’s why I said it took me until the adult years to look back and have the a-ha moment of studying psychology and all the different mental technologies that are available that I realize. I knew it was bad but I didn’t know that it was that bad. As a child, I absolutely did look up like most children do to their parents. They put them on a pedestal and see them as perfect. When that crash came down, it was challenging to deal with. They were abusive and neglectful. They left us in America, moved back to Taiwan when I was thirteen and never came back.

They never sent a memo to say, “We’re not coming back.” I had to figure that out eventually. We lived in a mansion, they gave us a checkbook and they said, “Handle it.” I had to handle the seven-bedroom suite and seven acres of land in New Jersey. I abused drugs for ten years, from 13 to 23, alcohol and drugs. I’ve made a lot of negative decisions because I was seeking love, approval and belongingness. I deserve that from my parents. They clearly were incapable of doing that. I had no judgment. That literally was all they can do.

Both of you were here in America. You were thirteen years old and your older brother was sixteen. No guardians?

No guardian.

Did you handle everything like the real estate tax, property tax and everything?

They handled that part. They better because I would have messed it up and we would have lost the property but we’re in charge of all the bills. It was out in horse country. It was septic tanks and landscapers. It’s a lot to manage a big property like that as a child.

How did it shape you to be who you are now?

It’s shaped me in a way that I get to help other women who are going through their own forms of PTSD or stunted inner child. We all have an inner child, whether or not we know it. If you’ve gone through the trauma of any kind, you need to go back and retrieve those pieces of yourselves and your mind. You have this timeline in your mind and in your heart. You need to go back and see these rooted parts of ourselves so that we can come back to wholeness, but in a more tangible way. To explain one great thing is that because I had to be the glue, the structure to pull it all together and make it happen. I had to go to school. I went through NYU in four years. I’m not even sure how that happened through all the drugs and seeking love in all the most negative ways.

I made it happen and that speaks to how I had to have that structure, making happen, and not deal with the internal emotions until later when you cannot deny it. It comes through physically, spiritually, psychologically where you have to deal with it or you go insane. One thing I teach is you must recognize the old part of you that helped you get to where you are today and retire it. You’re still grateful that that part of, let’s use me as an example, that child self that had to keep it all together to make things happen, it’s time for her to retire. Thank you so much, but you don’t need to do that anymore. I can relax in the flow, utilize the strategies, and the structures that I learned but no longer have to be perfect. The fight or flight and some of the negative parts can be retired.

How and when did you come up with the idea for the Light Warrior School?

I’ve been empowering women forever, attempting to rescue my mom since I was a child. Even as an adult, that’s what I did, coaching women empowerment and teaching empowerment tools. The divine gave me two daughters. They are now three and six. I came out of meditation one day and I kept writing the vision and until I was done. I named it Optimal Human Development. The purpose of it was to be a manual, partially from the divine and partially my own experiences of all my studies of mind, body, spirit, mental technology psychology to give them something that if I were to die too soon they would have the best of what I know. I would continue to upgrade that as I evolve.

Out of that came the Light Warrior School for children. I was supplying a solution to a need and I opened that up to the public. People came and they were so grateful to find a place that they belonged in. The whole purpose of the school is to allow the children to have a space where the tagline is, “Raising the next generation of soul guided leaders.” We’re all here in a physical form to do something important and that is to remember that we are light of your love, we are here to collaborate, lift each other up and not be suppressed to forget our passions and our mission on this planet. We give the children the tools of this world and this life, so we can go out and fulfill their mission when they become bigger.

What did you study from NYU? 

I studied Psychology.

Were you trained as a teacher or a child psychologist? 

No, I was not.

What areas or method are you teaching in Light Warrior School? 

We use a Waldorf Curriculum to cover it because it’s a proven system. As far as the academics go with the Math, Science, Literacy, Social Studies, we utilize something that’s already proven that many people use. We use that for that. What makes us stand out and different is that we layer on top the emotional intelligence training, which is one of my specialties. Emotional intelligence, how to understand what is their emotion and why are they feeling that and naming it, what is somebody else’s emotions, reading body language and cues, and how to interact and negotiate so that it’s a win-win-win. There are many abilities to put in boundaries energetically with their words, with their bodies and physicality. Giving them these soft skills and tools that actually make us stand apart from AI and competition out there. We don’t believe in competition. We believe in being the best that you can be and reach for excellence. Emotional intelligence and tools like meditation, self-regulation, self-awareness and understanding their role of man or child in relation to the universe. We are so small, there’s a lot of spirituality if you want to call that of understanding the role we play with nature.

How old are the kids who attend this school?

The only reason I have this school is that I have children of my own. Otherwise, this would never be in my life. I tell them all the time. This is their school that they have basically birthed through me as their facilitator. That’s how I view parents and teachers that we are here to facilitate the children and their wisdom. The children right now are young, it’s K to 2, kinder through second grade. They’re very young and we only keep it very small to six to eight children at a time. We actually prefer six. The reason for that is because we are very intensely training on the emotional intelligence and that means we allow them to have the autonomy where they can have conflict arise, which is welcomed and it’s often and normal. There is an opportunity to teach them and mirror back what’s happening, dissect it, give them words and tools of how to navigate. I’m not going to put down the public system. It speaks volumes that we’re not there. That gives you my idea of it but what I see of not working in the system is that there’s no autonomy. There’s no opportunity for conflict resolution, which is where you learn communication effectively and emotional intelligence.

How long do they need to stay in this program?

We’re doing this until high school.

Is it from kindergarten to high school?

Yes, but we’re only enrolling K through 2 because it’s going to grow with my oldest child’s age. This is what’s important though, we’re creating this curriculum that is going to be turnkey and people are waitlisting right now in order to have this turnkey program to open up small pods like this in their own cities.

Did you envision that there could be a franchise, a license to practice or to teach this methodology? 

Absolutely.

Is the program taught after school?

No, this is school hours. This is a school. This is Monday through Friday, from 9:00 to 1:00.

Don’t they go to a regular school?

This is in replacement of regular school because I don’t believe in your regular school system option that’s presented to us and that’s why I created the solution.

Do you teach all subjects in this school as well?

Yes. Math, Science, Literacy, Geography, Social Studies, Chinese, Spanish.

This can be huge. That’s wonderful. When did you start the Priestess Leadership School?

The Priestess Leadership School just got launched. This is about empowering women, not just moms because of the parenting, being a mom and understanding the role of a queen, holding the space for your container at home, to invite your man to rise to his leadership position as well. Imagine the empowerment you are creating automatically for the children that come into your container. A woman plays an enormously powerful role when she knows who she is and it takes a process. That is what the Priestess Leadership School is about and that’s one portion. The other is teaching a lot of the healing modalities that I’ve mastered has allowed me to claim my voice, my space, and my power in a way that is not power over but power from within so that it can light the power and light within other people. That’s the goal.

I totally believe in that and that’s one of the reasons that I started the Asian Women of Power, is to empower Asian women to live a great life. Ultimately, I want to transform the Asian culture. It starts with a woman. You say this school is not just for moms but for all women.

It’s optional if the woman wants to, but it is also a certification program as a healer because there are psychic tools and intuition. We’re all born with this ability they call the sixth sense. We all have it, although women are more open to tapping into it because somehow in the culture, it’s more acceptable for women to tune in. We can magnify that by spending time cultivating it. Women in the board room should be getting paid much more rather than getting paid less because we have all these abilities to tap into the other senses. How do you learn that? I spent many years activating and learning that. I’m an activator and a teacher of that domain, hypnosis, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Akashic healing, ancestral healing and sacred codes. There are a lot of levels that we see the physicality and a lot of people are like, “I believe it when I see it,” but that’s opposite. A lot of the people who are studying the ancient wisdom will learn that you have to first believe it, then you will see it. It’s like Napoleon Hill. I’m not preaching anything that’s brand new, but a lot of people are still unaware of the information that’s been available for a long time.

Is Akashic based on numerology?

No. I’m also a Feng Shui practitioner. I have a lot of modalities that I’ve put into one big fabric. With Akashic records, no matter what religion you believe or don’t believe, we can all agree that there is some greater intelligence that breathes life force energy into all of us. Whether we do it through qi gong, prana or yoga, there is some greater intelligence breathing life through everything. The soul is energy and energy doesn’t die. It transforms that scientific. The energy will keep coming back into a different form, we call it incarnation, another body, another face, another name. The Akashic record is a record of every souls’ every single incarnation into infinity as it never dies. You can access that from the past into the future and the present for healing to unblock your own life from the ancestral lineage and even get mentorship from yourself from another lifetime that’s mastering what you want to master.

When you started the Priestess Leadership School, your focus was to help moms deal with their active children and you move into focusing on women, not just moms. That’s very interesting. What happened to the father’s role in raising a child here?

It’s a great question because I have a huge place in my heart for men. It’s that the divine feminine has been rising. The planet itself has been under this patriarchy, more of dominance from the male energy. The father role is so important. I know that very well because my father chose not to be in my life. I know that the repercussions of that were a lot of negative choices on my part to look for love to replace that, and we need to have a father in the family. I need to first start with the mothers because if the mothers don’t claim their voices, their truths, their space and their leadership position in that relationship of the man and the woman, then it’s not a healthy dynamic. I need to get her strong and we can teach her about how to raise the man up to meet her.

As an Asian, the thing that my husband and I have in our subconscious blueprint that we didn’t even realize, to give you an example of how this looks. I elevated and I claimed my voice. I had to do a lot of work to get into my mountain top of saying, “I am the queen,” in a way that is loving, not powerful. What happened was that’s uncomfortable for someone who was born of Asian descent and Asian training because the woman is supposed to be quiet, the man rules and he’s the one who makes the money, he has the power, he has the say and he has the control. What happens when the woman claims her voice? She starts making money, she starts having opinions and he didn’t know he had that in the subconscious mind because he is very Americanized. He’s from the Philippines, born and raised there. He’s really an open-minded American but when you get married and you become a parent, certain blueprints get activated that you yourself don’t even know you had, which is fascinating.

We had to work through that awareness of me as the woman also was playing into the belief that subconsciously, “I should be the woman behind the man. I should do what my mom did. I should be quiet and support him to be in his greatness and lose myself.” She lost herself. She lost all self-identity. I was like, “No.” When I rose, it triggered his subconscious belief of what we spoke about, it took awareness, mindfulness, effective communication and love to come back to this awareness, to evolve together, to commitment above together, individually and as a couple. That’s why I started with a woman.

That’s my journey as well because I feel that I had to be strong like you. I went out and invested a lot of learning about self-development, self-improvement, all kinds of things to heal myself and gain more confidence. As I rose up, I see that my husband is still at the bottom and I spoke to him, “You have a choice. You have to do something to catch me up. Otherwise, someday we would not be able to communicate.” People ask me, “How long have you been coaching?” I say, “As long as I’ve been married.” I’ve been married for 30-plus years because I have been always coaching my husband, guiding him, supporting him, letting him know what’s going on and how to support me and what works and what doesn’t work. He’s my longest client.

You must be good at what you do because you’re still married after all these years.

It does take a strong woman to hold a marriage because it’s so easy and be tempted to give up and say, “That’s it. He doesn’t listen to me. Let’s go on our way and let’s part.” Many times I had that idea and said, “He’s not going to listen to me. He’s so stubborn and it’s so hard to change him,” but I keep persisting, I do my way and showed him how my way is better than the old way he’s thinking. Eventually, he yielded and he started following me. I’m glad he’s here and he’s still supporting me. He’s actually supporting me right now. I’m no longer supporting him, in terms of a spouse and a partner but I think he’s more behind me. I’m more in front now.

That’s exactly what we’re talking about. Now you guys are both on your own mountain tops of leadership in your own lives. Sometimes we’re behind the others, sometimes they’re behind us and sometimes we’re together that I could say the same thing about my husband and I. He’s fully behind me, encouraging me and pushing me forward in the moments where I’m scared. He says, “That’s the reason why you want to go forward. That’s a sign that you and I have carved out that pathway that we’re getting others onto.”

The Empowered Child: Raising a Conscious, Confident, and Connected Child

Let’s talk about your book called The Empowered Child. Tell us a little bit about it. What motivated you to write this book?

The reason I wrote this book is once I opened the Light Warrior School, the parents loved it. I was already a coach to women. The moms are coming to me asking a lot of questions about how they can be with their children because a lot of the children that ended up coming to the school were psychic and empathic, and very open and having these abilities. There is no such thing as an accident. Everything is synchronistic. The parents were coming to me for coaching about their children. That’s how I started pivoting and helping parents as well. The book came out of that because I wanted parents all over the world to be able to access some of the information that we were teaching these children and the tools that we were teaching them how to be in this world, but not of the world. How can they go out into the world and make a difference but not be so pushed around and thrown around by all the negative things in the news? That’s what we teach.

How long did it take for you to write it?

I hired a coach and I have written a book that took ten years. Ten years was the first time I thought of it. The writing actually took a year or two and I found a teacher to help me bring it to market. I ended up writing a completely different book. That first book that hasn’t been published will probably be published in 2020, but this book came out first because the divine wanted it to. Of course, the world needs this guidance and information to help these new generations that come in that are very different than when I came in and my mom’s generation before because every new generation keeps getting more and more involved and more conscious. This book right here, The Empowered Child, is written for that means.

How long did it take you with the coach?

To actually write it, probably three months. That speaks to having strategies and systems anytime you want to. You’re a coach. I’m a coach. We know that whatever area of expertise that you are seeking to master, find someone who’s mastered it because they’re going to have systems and strategies to help you figure out your own strategies and systems.

It’s much faster and much more efficient and effective. Did you write it? Did somebody write it for you?

Yeah, I love writing to begin with. I’ve been journaling since I was nine years old. It was a delight to write and the way I write, I channel a lot of the information as well.

This book is for a parent, a mom or a child?

The Empowered Child: The stress and lack of connection to full joy and living their purpose on this planet is killing people.

You’re so good at these questions because the book is called The Empowered Child. Here’s a little secret. I did write it to the mom. It is for the dads to gain knowledge just the same. I called it The Empowered Child because every parent wants to give their child the best that they can find and the best opportunities to excel but once you pick up the book, you might be surprised about who it’s really for. I hinted at it earlier and we all have an inner child that has some parts that are wounded out there within our subconscious mind and has a timeline. This is going to give tools to the parent to improve and elevate themselves so that they can be the guide to facilitate their child. Though it’s for both, it’s for everyone.

What are your top three pieces of advice for Asian parents who want to raise a responsible and respectful child to grow up to be a good citizen, good leader, good father or mother, and a good son or daughter?

I wish that Asian parents knew more about the impact that they have on their children with the words that they say, the way that they stay it and the intentionality behind it. If you go one step behind that, there are two things. There’s one, look at how you are parented. If you haven’t analyzed or been curious about how you experienced being a child and how you were parented now because you’re either going to subconsciously repeat that without knowing it and you might cringe if you do a little analysis of yourself and how your childhood was and what you did in life whether or not you’re unconsciously repeating that. That’s number one. That’s step one. Pick the time to analyze how the culture passes down information of what a parent looks like, what a good parent is supposed to be and do, and what a good parent measures their success through what their child is behaving like.

Number one is to look and connect the dots from your child. How are they being, what are you complaining and not liking about? That’s a mirror to look at yourself. What are you unconsciously repeating? Connect the dots to how your childhood was, the feel of what your parents did and backward as far as you can go. That might open some beautiful conversations or difficult conversations with your ancestors and your parents. Go having that awareness and connecting the dots. Number two is being aware of different types of parenting styles. Authoritarian is so Asian, it’s like, “It’s my way or the highway and you can’t make me lose face. Dress properly and comb your hair. Get straight A’s and play the piano. I’m going to lose face and that’s not okay. You are not okay.” I feel like that’s such a common story for Asians.

They’re so competitive and they’re comparing their child. They’re telling their child, “Look at Tommy. Tommy’s got an A-plus. Why do you all have an A-minus? What’s wrong with you?” Understand the psychological repercussions of those types of communications and looking at yourself, why do you have a fear of losing face in comparison to another person? What are you teaching? Is it like that when you were a child? Probably not. You probably went and hid in your room, cried in your pillow and thought to yourself, “I’m a loser. I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve to live. What do I need to do to gain the love of my parents?” Why is suicide rate so high in Japan for children? It’s because of the competition in Asia. Not only do they go to school, but they have hours of tutorial studies after school. It’s too much. What happened to playing in the dirt and getting dirty?

Self-awareness, connecting the dots to where these beliefs came from and do they matter? Do they actually matter? Looking at the rate of heart attack and heart disease, lung disease and connecting that to Chinese medicine or other alternative medicine. It’s a return to ancient wisdom. To see the connection of stress and lack of connection to full joy and living your purpose on this planet is killing people. You want to raise a generation that’s different than that. That’s my ambition.

Going back to number one, it’s realizing you are the facilitator. You are the guide for these children that came through you. You are so lucky that you could actually give life, not everybody has that privilege. Even if you’re lucky enough to adopt, not everybody has the means. When you have these children in your container, in your home, in your life genetically, you are their guide. They do not belong to you because one day they will leave. You have to check yourself because if you think this is your property and you own them, that is a very different communication, leadership and guidance. It’s not true leadership that you’re exercising. You’re being a dictator. You’re going to damage the relationship. They’re not going to love you the way that you want them to love you. When you’re old and you need them, then you’re going to try and repair the relationship and it’s so much work. That was back to number one.

Number three is being connected. It’s like you have to realize you have to hold this container that also allows open communication. If you can see them as another human being, they’re a wise soul and spirit instead of a young body, learning how to be in this world. Would you treat them differently? If they were the next Buddha and the next Christ in a young body, would you treat them differently? I’m talking to the parents. I want you to open your minds to not see them as someone who knows nothing. They actually know so much more and they are our teachers.

You mentioned that there are different types of parenting. Can you share with us the difference between all those types?

With authoritarian, we already covered that. It’s like, “My way or the highway.” Here’s the opposite and usually children of authoritarians will go to the extreme opposite. That’s also seen generationally because there’s a collective consciousness and that term, the collective consciousness, is made up of all the billions of people on the planet, what they believe in and that creates this energetic field on the planet of what the majority of people believe on the planet. We call it collective consciousness. That impacts generations of beliefs, ways of being and ways of interacting. There’s authoritarian, which I feel is older and it’s dying out. It’s an older paradigm, but then the complete opposite is hands off. It’s permissive parenting where it’s like they’re almost afraid of the child.

I’ve seen where they’re afraid to hurt their child’s feelings, they’re afraid to lead. There’s lack of leadership and that causes its own array of issues because then you’re raising a generation of children that have no sense of ownership of themselves, of taking care of their things, of their health, of their projects, activities, visions and that’s a big job. The parents are always going to be parenting into their thirties, forties when their child is grown. We want to meet somewhere in the middle where you’re leading but you’re creating this container that has structure and boundary of like, “No, you cannot cross the street without looking both ways. You cannot go with any stranger. You cannot touch the fire. It’s going to burn you.” Having some structures but then creating a scenario where they’re allowed to fall, they’re allowed to fail. It’s good for them. They’re allowed to eat dirt once in a while and figure, “I don’t want that.” They’ll never eat it again. Allowing them to have a safe environment to fail in and that is the goal because then you’re creating a generation of people who are going to be leaders because they have used their own abilities to discover what is true for them.

Is there a term for that kind of parent?

Empowered.

Are there any other questions that I haven’t asked you that you think I should ask you?

I think you’re awesome. I think we’re supposed to be friends forever because I usually ask that question too, to people when I’m learning something new, “What is it I need to know that I haven’t asked?” I think that you’ve done a really good job in excavating the key points for the audience. I’m going to recap that the woman is so extremely powerful and we are rising. The momentum has been going on for women, the divine feminine energy to keeps on rising in comparison to the patriarchy of like if you look in government systems, this was all around the world right now. I don’t have to tell people. They know what I’m talking about. Women at home need to do that with themselves. Once they cleaned their powers, then they can invite the man into their divine masculine powers. The children are naturally going to be modeling after, you’re going to have the blueprint put into them by watching you and that is the goal.

Thank you for your kind words. Thank you for being on the show. Best of luck on your book and on your mission, Mary.

Thank you. I remembered something I wanted to offer your audience a free copy of my book.

How do they do that? 

They can email me at [email protected] and they’ll get a free copy of my eBook. I’ll send it right over to them.

To the audience, what is your number one thing that you have learned from this interview? How are you going to implement it? Let us know your progress.

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Links Mentioned:

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Episode Quotes

"I lived two lives; I had to be seen and not heard."

"You have recognized the old part of you, and then retire it."

"We are all here in physical forms to do something important."

"Have some structure to protect your child from danger, but allow them to fail."

About Mary Tan

Mary Tan is a Taiwanese American international bestselling author, speaker, business strategist and high priestess on a mission as the Queen Maker who frees women to claim their voice, message and mission to make a greater impact in this world.

She is the founder of the Light Warrior School and Priestess Leadership School. When she’s not changing the world she’s home having a salsa dance party with her incredible husband and two little girls in Southern California.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/WealthyPriestessLeader/
Email: [email protected] to get her new ebook “The Empowered Child”